That Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! These Are the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the TV offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their notable failures. From awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
The 'Sex and the City' Sequel
Where to begin with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third series started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon no-star assessment, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so poor they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and parental shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but flippant narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
MobLand
Dodgy figures meeting in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.
Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Considering the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Instead, the experience was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was enormous for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly breezy, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A complete mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We love the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she undertook her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.